Dealing With Death
by Acacia Jules
Summary: Cordelia deals with the death of Doyle by moving back to Sunnydale, with Angel. Cordy tries to move on, and get to know the Scooby Gang again. AC [After Hero]
1. Moving Home

Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own any of the characters, no matter how much I WISH I did. They belong to the idiot Joss and the WB.. Any other characters, I created.  
  
  
Dealing with Death  
By Jules  
  
  
Chapter 1  
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IAuthor's notes: This story takes place bAFTER/b Doyle died, and bBEFORE/b Cordelia started getting the visions.   
  
Oh, and pretend the 'Initiative' (that's what it's called, right?) disappeared after Spike escaped (with chip in head) and has never been seen in Sunnydale again. That includes Professor Maggie and Riley.  
  
Angel bDID/b go to the PTB (Powers That Be) and ask them to bring Doyle back, and as you probably know, they just told him "When one door closes, another opens." (GOD I hate them! Grrrr, I wish I could do that vampy thing then go vamp out on them!) ANYWAY, obviously he did not come back, but anything else that happened in the episode didn't happen. You know, the stuff with the empath-demon and stuff . . .   
  
I'm not sure where in BtVS this is taking place, but I'm guessing between 'Pangs' and 'Hush'. Does that sound about right? I don't know. All I know is that it's after Thanksgiving.   
  
Ok, I think that's everything! /I  
  
  
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Cordelia looked around the office, her heart heavy. Everything reminded her of Doyle. It hurt too much to stay around anymore, she wasn't eating much, and she didn't sleep because every time she closed her eyes, she watched him die again. She needed to go home.   
  
Angel knew it too. She'd been staying at his place since Doyle died, because going home to a ghost wasn't the best thing for her mental state right now. He knew she hadn't slept more then 18 hours in the past two weeks, if she was lucky. She was listless, and grievous. She didn't care what she looked like anymore.   
  
  
Angel had insisted upon driving her, and giving her some money to get started with, which would sustain her until she found a job. Actually, he'd given her tons of money, secretly, so she wouldn't get mad for him giving her charity. He'd made some sizable deposits into her bank accounts, without her knowledge. Cordelia would live very comfortably the rest of her life, without ever having to work ever again, if she wanted. Angel felt responsible somehow for Doyle dying, because it should have been him, the pain Cordelia was in, he couldn't help but feel guilty that she couldn't stay in LA anymore, and live out her dream.   
  
  
Cordelia had enrolled in some classes at the University in Sunnydale now too, after getting a scholarship, which again, Angel had done by pulling some strings behind her back.   
  
She hadn't been in contact with any of the Slayerettes since she'd moved to LA, so she felt no need to contact them now. She'd found a great little apartment near campus too. It had two bedrooms, a kitchen, a main room, a bathroom, and great closet space. It was at a really great deal, so Cordelia had jumped at it.   
  
  
They arrived in Sunnydale around nine pm. Most of Cordelia's stuff was waiting for her in the apartment. Angel helped carry the rest of her wardrobe and personal belongings and helped get her settled. He was going to be staying for a while as well, until she was strong enough to be on her own.   
  
  
Cordelia carried a box of very special items into her bedroom, which she would unpack after Angel had set down the last case of clothing, and went back for the last few boxes. The bed was made, and she had placed the box on top of it. First she pulled out a picture of the whole Scooby Gang, before Xander and Willow had kissed, and after she and Xander had gone public, then another picture of just her and Xander she put them on the nightstand next to her bed. A jewelry box came next. She opened it and pulled out the locket he had given her and put it back on, a few books and magazines came next, a soft fuzzy teddy bear, which she placed between all the fluffy pillows on her bed.   
  
Then her, two most cherished possessions these days, aside from the locket that Xander had given her. A picture of Doyle, and the video she'd made of him for the Angel Investigations advertisement, so soon before he died. Cordelia hugged the picture to her chest, and then put it also on her nightstand, facing the bed, so she could see it every morning. She ran her finger down his cheek through the picture frame, and swallowed the lump in her throat, then brushed away the few teardrops that had fallen from her eyes. She missed him so much. Cordelia knew that she would have done anything, just to see his smile again, be able to touch his hand, kiss him again, and just hold him. She had to wipe away a few more stray teardrops before she could return to the next room.   
  
Angel came in and set down a very large box, "That's the last one."  
  
"Thanks Angel." Cordelia hugged him, "For everything."  
  
Angel didn't say anything, but Cordelia knew that he actually felt it was his duty to as her friend.   
  
"I'm a little hungry, but there's no food here. I guess we need to go out." Cordelia sighed.   
  
Angel was worried about her emotionless front she was putting up, but said nothing about it, only agreeing with her, "Right."  
  
"Just give me 15 minutes to change." She informed him, "I ripped my shirt and I need to change it."  
  
  
Cordelia returned from her bedroom a few minutes later, in a ponytail, no makeup, a pair of black Capri's, a long sleeve white and blue shirt, and tennis shoes. For Cordelia this was very careless dressing, so it was obvious that she wasn't caring what she looked like. She grabbed a cross and a few stakes putting them in her jacket pockets, and then she put on her short black leather coat.  
  
  
By the time they found somewhere to eat, Cordelia had lost her appetite. The times when she was hungry were few and far between, and if you missed an opportunity, she was stubborn as hell.  
  
"You have to eat Cordelia." Angel insisted.   
  
"But I'm not hungry." She pouted.   
  
"Cordelia, you haven't eaten all day, you've barely eaten a thing since . . ." Angel stopped, realizing what he was about to say. "You can't just, not eat."  
  
"I'm just not hungry." She protested  
  
"You're going to make yourself sick, please, at least a little something." He instructed her.   
  
Cordelia glared at him, but still ordered some breadsticks to appease him. She ate slowly, and a little resentfully, staring at her plate. When she was done she crossed her arms and looked at him darkly.  
  
Angel had watched her carefully, he could tell by the dark circles under her eyes she was exhausted, and he knew she hadn't eaten much all week either. She hadn't done much of anything, and she was starting to look ill.   
  
"What?" Cordelia asked uncomfortably.  
  
"You look tired." He made known, "Do you want to go home and get to bed?"  
  
"No!" Cordelia yelped, quickly sitting up straight, then slouching down, "I can't sleep, you know that. Besides, I'm not tired at all."  
  
Angel had a feeling she would say that, "What do you want to do then?"  
  
"I need to take a walk, a really long walk."  
  
"I'm coming with you. It's too dangerous to be out alone after dark around here."  
  
"I know. I had a feeling you would be coming." She stood up, "I got some 'protection' in my pockets just in case."  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
b** 30 minutes earlier **  
** Giles's **/b  
  
  
World War III had erupted just a few moments earlier, and yelling was coming from practically all parties involved.   
  
  
"Cor, I'm not gonna bloody run away!" Spike yelled.   
  
"AAUUGGGHHHH!!!!!" Buffy screamed back in defeat, "Fine, you can come on patrol with us. But one wrong move and your chained back up in the bathtub."  
  
"Awww man!" Xander whined, "I don't want him to come."  
  
"It's not like I can bite you, you bloody moron. Besides, Slayer would kick my arse if I did."  
  
"You got that right you bleached blond blood sucking fiend." Xander told him crossing his arms and looking at the vampire smugly.  
  
"Well at least I don't need a Igirl/I to protect me."  
  
"You do from humans."  
  
"Can we go?" Buffy questioned the two men, who were acting like six-year-olds, clearly annoyed.   
  
"Of course Pet." Spike opened the door and bowed at his waist, "Ladies first."  
  
Buffy clenched her fists and her jaw, and then walked out the door into the night.   
  
"Be careful." Giles called after them before Spike shut the door, "And don't kill each other." He muttered once the door had been slammed shut.   
  
Willow gave him a sympathetic look, and then went back to the ancient texts, looking for potential prophecies.   
  
  
  
Soon the trio was in the cemetery, looking the newly risen, and your typical vampire attacks.   
  
  
~*~  
  
  
Cordelia and Angel walked in silence; Angel because he always did, Cordelia because she just needed the silence.  
  
Angel stopped unexpectedly, lightly grabbing her arm.   
  
"What?" Cordelia asked in a hushed voice.   
  
"Vampires, several of them. Headed this way."  
  
Cordelia knew to trust his vampire senses, "I'm ready for them." She assured him patting her pockets, some life coming back into her eyes for the first time in weeks, "Let's kick some undead ass!"  
  
They both pulled out stakes and were soon surrounded by eight vamps.   
  
Cordelia was still scared of them, but had grown a lot better at fighting them, and more confident. She was getting some very good punches, kicks, and other means of bodily harm. A female vampire lashed out at her with a claw, ripping Cordelia's shirt and cutting her on her abdomen.  
  
She shrieked, "Owww!" Cordelia was now majorly pissed. "Hey! I liked this shirt!" then she did a high kick and got the vamp on the chin, before stabbing the stake in her hand into the female vamps heart, totally annihilating her, but there was no time to even grin at her achievement.   
  
  
~*~  
  
  
Buffy, Spike, and Xander had been patrolling with not much excitement, so far they'd only slain two vamps collectively, then they heard a yell, and the sounds of some serious fighting. Buffy had sensed the vampires a few moments before, and had been waiting for their attack, which had apparently happened to two passerbies.   
  
"Shit!" She yelled, taking off running.   
  
They all ran as fast as they could to the fight, and didn't notice who their fighting companions were. Only that the two had done pretty good so far on their own, but they need some help, not that Cordelia was recognizable as it was though.   
  
Xander and Angel were each dealing with their own vamp, unknowingly close, practically back-to-back. They both dusted their opponent and took a step back, waiting for the next vamp, bumping into each other. Xander and Angel spun around, stakes raised and ready.  
  
Xander was shocked, "Deadboy? What are you doing here?"  
  
Angel had seen who it was and started fighting a vamp to his right, "Hey Xander. I think that can wait."  
  
Xander shook off his shock as he was attacked, but yelled out a warning, "Don't stake Spike! He's with us."  
  
Angel was surprised, but the thought left his mind as he finished off another vamp.  
  
Buffy saw Angel, she was momentarily shocked, then kicked at stake into an ugly jock's heart.   
  
Cordelia was holding her own, until a huge vamp backhanded her and she went down, with her injuries, due to the facts that she was weak because of lack of sleep and malnourishment, she was unconscious before she hit the ground.   
  
Angel saw it happened and roared, morphing into his vampire visage. He quickly took care of his vampire then pulled the giant off of her just before he sunk his fangs in. Angel de-vamped then picked her up, not liking the state she was in one bit.  
  
Spike saw his Sire pull the ugly brute off of the long dark-haired girl, who'd been kicking ass quite skillfully he had noted, and dusted the beast.   
  
At the same time Buffy took out the last vampire, who wasn't on her side.   
  
She turned around and rushed over to Angel, whom had the obviously injured girl cradled in his arms.  
Xander also went over to Angel. Xander was protectively holding his ribs, where some vamps had managed to land some powerful kicks. He just knew they were broken.   
  
"Angel, what are you doing back?" Buffy asked breathless, not sure if it was from the fight, or seeing him once again.  
  
Angel's face was pensive as he looked up, "We'll talk about it later. Right now I have to take care of Cordelia."  
  
Only then did the Slayer and the two 'Slayerettes' finally recognize the fallen girl.  
  
"Right, Giles will be waiting for us to come back with Spike. He's got a large supply of medical crap for when we come back all busted up." Xander told him, very worried about Cordelia. Forgetting all about Anya, who truthfully, he was only dating because he didn't really see a reason to break up with her.   
  
"Let's go then you bloody fools! Sticking around isn't doing her any good." Spike told them rolling his eyes, taking off.   
  
  
  
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Please reply!   
Post questions, comments, requests, or just tell me what ya think! You know, give me feedback!   
  
  
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	2. Visions

Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own any of the characters, no matter how much I WISH I did. They belong to the idiot Joss and the WB.. Any other characters, I created.  
  
  
  
Dealing With Death  
By Jules  
  
  
Chapter 2  
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b** Ten minutes later **/b  
  
  
Giles and Willow were apprehensively awaiting their associates returns, having a gnawing feeling in the pit of their stomach, that something big had happened tonight.   
  
Spike burst through the door with Buffy and Xander close behind, looking fine, and Giles let out a sigh of relief, which was, quickly nullified, as a certain souled vampire came in carrying an unconscious young lady.  
  
"A-Angel!" He exclaimed in surprise, "Um, take the girl to my room."  
  
Angel carefully navigated the stairs, and Giles pointed him in the right direction. He laid her down on the bed gently.   
  
Giles did a double take when he saw the face, "Oh dear, Cordelia. I'll go get the first aid kit."  
  
Spike, had unpredictably gone to the kitchen and come upstairs with a large bowel of hot water, and a dishcloth. The vampire wasn't all bad, though he'd like everyone to think so.   
  
"Get me a pair of scissors." Angel ordered, to anyone who was there to listen, as he carefully lifted Cordelia up and took off her leather jacket, throwing it on a chair, then shrugged of his own.   
  
Xander hastily found a pair and handed him the shears.   
  
"Good thing this shirt is already ripped, or Cordelia would kill me for this." Angel muttered as he made a snip at the neckline, the ripped the cloth down the front, so he could get to the gash on her stomach.   
  
The wound wasn't deep, but it was long. It went from just above her ribcage, practically to her stomach. He was pretty sure, thank God, that it wouldn't leave a scar. Cordelia would have killed him for another scar on her body. She was self-conscious enough of the first one.   
  
Giles soon returned with a giant container, which and separated into compartments, much like ones paramedics carry around.   
  
Angel gently cleaned around the wound, thankful that she was unconscious; otherwise his co-worker would be in a lot of pain, this time literally.   
  
Xander routed through the first aid kit till he found what he was looking for. Giles had by some means gotten his hands on the innovative medical glue, which was being used in place of stitches in hospitals. The doctor just applied it, and when the wound was healed, the epoxy just came off. [IAnd yes, I know that for NOW you aren't supposed to use the glue for such large wounds, but let's just say Giles got some stuff that was so far only approved of in Europe, and did fit the criteria./I]  
  
Angel looked at him strangely when Xander held out the bottle.   
  
Xander sighed, "Move over a little bit. Now, hold the gash together, this is a new type of gluey stuff, which is being used in place of those awful stitches in hospitals. Don't worry; it won't hurt her, I promise. In fact it'll be much less painful, no needles required, and no going through the pain of getting them taken out."  
  
Angel was still a little wary, but gave in when Buffy told him, "They've used on me too, it's much nicer then stitches, and just goes away once the wound is healed."  
  
After applying the glue, Angel waited for it to dry, then put some gauze and tape over the injury as well as a safety precaution.   
  
Angel sat on the bed beside Cordelia and held her hand, blaming himself for not protecting her well enough.   
  
The Sunnydale group really had no idea what on earth was going on, but closed the blinds tightly, just in case the sun rose before Angel left, then withdrew the room silently.   
  
  
Angel sat with her for 30 minutes, when he realized that she was probably not going to be waking up soon, he knew he had some explaining to do. So he went back downstairs, to find everyone still there, waiting for him.  
  
"How is she?" Xander asked.   
  
"She's just sleeping, I think the only reason she hasn't woken up is because the exhaustion is catching up with her." Angel admitted, sitting down leaning back, placing his hands over his face for a moment, before sitting back up and looking at the group.   
  
"What happened Angel?" Buffy inquired, "It's something big, really big. Start from the beginning."  
  
Angel sighed, "Well, as you know, I work with a guy named Doyle . . ."  
  
"Medium build, dark hair, Irish brogue, crush on Cordelia?" Buffy questioned.   
  
"That's Doyle. He's also a half demon, which is why he was so reluctant to ask Cordelia out to dinner. Well, finally, a couple weeks ago, the same day Cordelia found out he was a half-demon, and told Doyle to ask her out to dinner. We were battling against the Scourge, a race of demons that hated everyone and everything, except pure demons. They had built this weapon, which would kill every thing within a quarter mile radius with human blood in them. They also hunted down tribes of half-demons, who couldn't conceal their identities. We had rented a barge, to save a group who'd asked for our help. But they found us . . ."  
  
Angel was cut off by screams from the bedroom upstairs, "DOYLE!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"  
  
  
He jumped up and ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time at vampire speed. By the time everyone else reached the bedroom, Angel was sitting on the bed, holding a sobbing Cordelia.  
  
"Oh God, I saw it again. He kissed me, then he punched you knocking you off the platform. He got all green and spiky, and then he jumped. The light . . . his skin like melted away, then, his muscle, his bones . . . just melted away . . . the light, it was so bright . . . and then he was gone. Doyle was just gone."  
  
"I know, I know Cordelia."  
  
Everyone stood in shock of what they just heard, aghast, and sick to their stomachs. They could just imagine what happened, and the imagery in their heads would probably torment them for years to come, they'd never seen anything like what she'd described, but they all prayed they never did.   
  
  
Cordelia slowly stopped crying on Angel's shoulder and looked around seeing the group in the doorway, she wiped away her tears, "Oh, hello Buffy, Giles, Willow, Xander . . ." She says Xander's name harder then the rest, then her eyes land on the platinum blond vampire, "Spike?"  
  
  
"Hey Cordy." Xander greeted, "You know, that look really works for you. Is it the latest fashion?"  
  
Cordelia looked down, noticing that she was wearing a large man's shirt, then retorted, "I see your sense of style hasn't improved much either."  
  
Angel restrained from rolling his eyes, "Are you alright Cordelia?"  
  
"I think so." Cordelia told him, and then admitted, "Except my cheekbone where that jerk backhanded me, and where that other one clawed me. I've had worse, I'm fine Angel."  
  
"We took care of that cut, just don't move too much." Giles warned.   
  
"Thanks Giles. I'm just taking a guess here, but this shirt belongs to you."   
  
"Um, can we please go into a big area? This is way too cramped for comfort." Xander requested uncomfortable after having someone accidentally bump him in the ribs, which Willow had taped for him.  
  
Angel was about to protest that Cordelia should stay in bed, when she agreed, "Yeah, it's a little cozy."  
  
Angel knew there was no use in arguing with her, so he silently followed behind her, holding on to her elbow. He had helped her sit down on the couch, in the middle, then sat down next to her protectively. Xander gingerly sat down next to her on the other side.  
  
Once everyone was seated comfortably, and in proper light, they saw for the first time, how worn out Cordelia looked.   
  
Willow, who hated the uncomfortable silence started the conversation, "So, what's up? Um, why are you guys back in Sunnydale?"   
  
Cordelia bit her lip, then released it, "I moved back here. Actually I'm starting a few classes next semester. Angel on the other hand is just staying, until I get settled."  
  
  
Buffy was a little disappointed, she'd really been hoping Angel was back. She had tried to start dating again, after he'd left, but Riley had just up and disappeared one day, not that they had really gotten anywhere . . . . It had been a rough 16 years for Buffy, but she and Angel had found each other, only to have to part, because of some very stupid things, such as not knowing whether or not Angel's soul would stick around. And because of all those bad things that had happened in addition. At that moment, Buffy vowed to re-double her efforts on making sure that she and Angel could be happy, together, his soul locked in place.   
  
  
At the same time, Xander was jumping for joy in his heart. Cordelia was back! His Cordy, and she was staying . . . ooh, that could be bad too, Anya might do something bad to her, even though they'd broken up over a week ago. But there could be a bigger problem he realized, Doyle. Xander was pretty sure the guy had died recently, and his Cordy appeared to be a mess over it . . .  
  
"What the hell is Spike doing here?" Cordelia voiced the question on her and Angel's minds.  
  
"It's a long story, but the summary would go, Spike got captured by some ultra-top-secret-military-type-group-Initiative-thingy. They put a chip-thingy-do in his head, and now he can't go all vampy or hurt any good guys, which makes him cranky I might add, if he does he like gets like this intense pain. But he does help out around here, by trashing all the really-evil-bad-icky-demons." Willow explained.   
  
"Those pilocks bloody ruined me." Spike moped from his chair in a dark corner.   
  
"But why is he here?" Angel asked.   
  
"Because." Willow simply said.   
  
"So, peroxide head had to become a member of the good guy's side and fight evil, if he wants to fight at all? Awesome!" Cordelia exclaimed, actually perking up.  
  
Angel actually smiled, happy to see her spirits were lifting, which stunned everyone (the fact that he smiled of course) but Cordelia, and just ticked Spike off and he slumped down in the chair in the corner, pouting. Then everyone started to laugh at the new 'brooding' resident vampire.  
  
Cordelia laughed too, but everyone's voices seemed to start to jumble and fade, and an intense sharp pain shot through her head.  
  
"Oh God!" She screamed, grabbing her head, trying to make the pain go away. Then images started flashing in her mind.   
  
Everyone watches her scared; Angel sat there, feeling helpless once more, he had no idea what was going on, or how to help her.   
  
After 30 seconds it was over.  
  
"Paper . . . pencil." Cordelia gasped.   
  
They were all still stunned.   
  
"NOW!" She demanded  
  
The utensils were handed to her and she soon had drawn and written down everything that had been revealed to her, in a matter of seconds.   
  
"What's going on?" Buffy asked.   
  
"Man, Doyle wasn't just whining when he said those visions were painful." Cordelia sighed, handing Angel the notebook.   
  
"What are you talking about?" Xander questioned.   
  
Angel took the pad and looked at it, what was going on hit him, "One door closes, another opens . . . You had a vision."  
  
"Boy howdy! You know how they look painful, well they feel ten times worse."  
  
Angel continued his rambling, figuring out what must have happened, "Doyle gave you the power of his visions. When he kissed you, somehow they must have transferred to you." He stood up, then he, Giles, and Willow go to work.  
  
"That bastard! He kisses me for the first time and gives me his visions? Did I mention they really, really hurt! And the things you see are totally gross!"  
  
"What did you see?" Buffy asked fascinated.   
  
"I'm not sure, it was really big though, dark-red, horns . . . Angel's got the picture. It was in some sort of warehouse, surrounded by crates of I think ammo . . ." She rubbed her temples, "God my head is killing me." Cordelia mumbled tired, unconsciously leaning back against Xander, who was surprised, but happy. He hesitantly put his arm around her.  
  
The familiar sounds of the Scooby Gang lulled Cordelia to sleep, where for the first time since Doyle died, she didn't have the nightmare.   
  
Xander wasn't able to move without waking Cordelia up, not that he wanted to move either. So he just sat there, rubbing her back.   
  
  
  
b** Hours later **/b  
  
  
Buffy looked up for the ancient text she was looking through and saw that Cordelia and Xander were both asleep, peacefully. She figured Xander had probably fallen asleep a little while ago, due to the pills Giles had giving him, because his bruised, but not broken, ribs had been bothering him.   
When no one was looking, Spike had actually covered up the two with a blanket. After making SURE no one had seen, then he'd gone back to basically being pissed off in a corner.   
  
Buffy looked across the table, and noted with a hint of jealously in her brain, that Angel was watching Cordelia sleep. She noticed the look on his face was one of disbelief.   
  
"What's up?" She whispered, "What's got you so surprised?"  
  
Angel kept watching Cordelia, but answered Buffy's question quietly, "That's the longest she's slept at one time in two weeks. She hasn't slept more then two hours, at the most, at one time since it happened."  
  
"No wonder she looked so tired, and she looks thinner to boot . . . she hasn't been eating much either has she." Buffy observed.  
  
"No, since she does sleep, all she did was workout, train, and do research for hours. Then she spends a couple of hours watching the tape of Doyle she made for a commercial for 'Angel Investigations'." Angel told her.  
  
"That's horrible." She studied his face for a moment, "You blame yourself for him dying, don't you."  
  
"It should have been me. Damn it, I shouldn't have let him catch me off guard like that. He only threw one punch, then I fell off the catwalk."  
  
"Angel, it must have been what he wanted then. Somehow he must have know, that he was meant to die so that others can live. And that the world still needs you because there's so much good you can do." Buffy told him, putting her hand on his forearm.  
  
  
  
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Please reply!   
Post questions, comments, requests, or just tell me what ya think! You know, give me feedback!   
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 


	3. Don't Let Chances Pass You By

Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own any of the characters, no matter how much I WISH I did. They belong to the idiot Joss and the WB.. Any other characters, I created.  
  
  
  
~ RATED NC-17!!!!!!!!!!! ~  
  
  
Dealing With Death  
By Jules  
  
  
Chapter 3  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
b** The next day **  
** 7:15 am **/b   
  
Buffy had fallen asleep in a chair, Willow was asleep with her head on her arms at the table while searching the internet, Spike had gone to bed hours ago, as had Giles after the Watcher had covered Buffy and Willow with afghans.   
  
Cordelia had been unresponsive when he tried to wake her up, so Angel had carried her back to the apartment an hour before the sun had started to rise.   
Once he arrived at the apartment, he gently slipped off her pants, and laid her down on the bed. Then he removed his own pants, his shirt, and lay down next to her in his boxers, wanting to fend off her nightmare, at least for one night.   
  
  
b** 8:30 am **  
** Cordelia's apartment **/b  
  
  
Cordelia slowly woke up, very aware of the muscular, un-breathing, pillow beneath her. Plus for the first time in two weeks, she felt rested. The strong-arms around her made her feel so safe. She opened her eyes and shifted just a bit to see Angel's face. She always felt safe with him, not that she'd actually disclose that detail out loud though.   
  
  
Angel felt her move and he woke back up, opening his eyes to stare into her hazel ones, "Hey."   
  
"Hey" She whispered, "Um, maybe I should get up." Cordelia said softly.  
  
"You don't have to, how are you feeling?" He asked, liking the feeling of her in his arms.  
  
"Same as last night . . . . Did you guys find anything?  
  
"No, we were up until early this morning, but we didn't find a thing."  
  
Cordelia looked at him carefully, "How are you? Are you ok, after spending all that time with Iher/I?"  
  
"I'm perfectly, fine, I'm much more worried about you." Angel divulged, not caring about Buffy one way or another right now, when he was so close to Cordelia.  
  
"I'm pretty sure I'm ok. Do I have a really noticeable bruise on my cheek?"  
  
Angel winced, and gently caressed the black and blue mark with the cool pads of his fingers, "It's pretty apparent, but you still look beautiful, you always look beautiful to me."  
  
Cordelia's breath caught in her throat, the closeness of Angel's body suddenly was very noticeable. And the touch of his fingers on her cheek was making Cordelia's entire person feel safe, comfortable, and for the first time since Xander, she didn't feel the need to pull away. Angel's 'comforting' made her mind spin, as did his nearness of his tempting, powerfully built body.   
  
Angel had never realized before just how beautiful his, now former, assistant was. Or how if you actually took the time to really, really look into her gorgeous hazel eyes, they would bare her soul and emotions. She was so soft, warm . . . alive. She made Ihim/I feel alive, and needed. No one had ever depended upon his as much as she did, or trusted him either. Cordelia knew more about his past then practically anyone. She was there during his time as Angelus, but yet she still trusted him completely, accepting him for who he was, understanding his moods, for the most part. He didn't want to lose her, she was one of the only people who actually cared about his feelings, and wouldn't put up with it if he tied to blame himself for things, rolling her eyes and complaining when he brooded. Most of all, he'd miss her smile, and so much more. Before Cordelia, he'd rarely smile, and now he found himself doing it more and more, sometimes just the mere thought of her did it. And she made him laugh too, he'd hardly ever laughed. Cordelia brought out a side of him Angel thought had died over 200 years ago.   
  
Something was becoming very apparent to Cordelia, the reality that if Angel left, she wouldn't just miss him, she couldn't survive without him. Angel was the only one she trusted; the only one who really cared about her. She hadn't realized until this moment how much she truly depended upon him. And how much she relished looking after him, just as he looked after her. Worrying about Ihim/I kept her sane, with Doyle gone, she was swiftly realizing just how important not missing opportunities were. Somehow, Angel had slipped in, unseen, behind the walls she'd so carefully constructed back around her heart after Xander had broken them down, then he'd proceeded to break her heart too. Angel's soulful eyes had somehow breached her defenses, and he could now read her like a book.   
But Cordelia wasn't really reflecting upon right now. Her mind was completely focused upon the feelings in her heart and soul that Angel's touches and stare were stirring up. Unconsciously, she nervously licked her lips.   
  
Angel had never been so envious of a tongue before, the small pink tongue, which had anxiously darted out from her attractive mouth and licked her luscious lips. Inwardly, Angel groaned. She was so close to him, mere inches away. He didn't want to scare her, but he knew that he had finally reached his breaking point on his restraints that kept the way he acted around Cordelia Chase in a purely just-friends manor.   
He closed the small gap between their bodies on the bed, and tentatively kissed her soft, tender lips.   
  
Cordelia was shocked, she'd actually dreamed of this happening many times since she'd met Angel, it couldn't really be happening.   
  
Angel felt that Cordelia's lips were unresponsive, but ran his tongue along her lower lip, in a final attempt. That was what made her come to life, her mouth opened, and she began kissing back; loving how wonderful his cool lips felt against hers. Their tongues explored each other, longing to know every little space in each other's mouths. Cordelia's hands moved up from his chest to wrap themselves around his neck, her fingers unconsciously playing with the short hair. Angel pulled Cordelia tight against him, and rolled on top of her, then his lips left her mouth, traveling along her delicate jaw, and down her swan like neck. She moaned when he kissed a certain spot on her neck, where the back of her jaw and neck met.   
  
Angel and Cordelia's minds no longer registered anything but the feel of each other's bodies and the rush of new emotions neither had ever felt before. The emotion that was surprising them the most, was the depth of passion and the heart consuming, soul shaking, mind blowing love, desire, trust, friendship . . . there were too many emotions to identify.   
  
Angel's fingers quickly unbuttoned the oversized shirt on Cordelia's body, kissing the newly exposed skin. Cordelia helped him by pulling her arms out, groaning his name as he nipped at the skin at the base of her neck. Cordelia couldn't take his lips away from her mouth anymore, so she pulled him back up to her, and passionately kissed him again.   
  
  
  
Cordelia thought she was about to go insane, "Please, Angel, do it now! I need you now!"  
  
Angel grinned, then slowly slid his pulsing member inside of her. Cordelia gasped, shocked by how much bigger he was than the last guy she'd been with, of course that had been a few years ago.   
  
Angel groaned, she was so tight, so warm, so perfect.   
  
  
  
Cordelia lay in Angel's arms. Warm in first-time-making-love bliss, basking in the glow of this newfound love . . . but instead of being relaxed and content, her mind was racing. Finally, she gathered the courage to ask, looking up into his soulful eyes, fearful "Angel, what about your soul?"  
  
"I don't know. I know I've never been so happy Delia, because I do love you, more then I ever thought possible. I know I felt complete happiness, but yet my soul is still here." Angel divulged, confusion in his eyes as well.   
  
"So, you do love me as much as I love you?"   
  
Angel gave her a sweet kiss that erased any doubts from her mind, along with every other thought that had ever existed.   
  
"Hmm, I'm still not clear on that, do you think you could show me that one more time?" She requested smiling.   
  
Angel laughed, and then kissed her one more time. Cordelia responded passionately.  
  
  
  
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